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Doesn't really look like December............view from my um, bathroom

Yeah, I know I’m Jewish, but it has still always been the Christmas season, not the holiday season so much. I know I may rot in Jewish cultural hell for this, but it’s just how I feel. That being said, it is not like I am running to midnight mass, eating Rudolph or any such thing. But it sort of feels like the season a little, which I think for the most part is a good thing. Even though so many places, read food, are closed so normal public social things are distant, there is a serious lack of Christmas parties, and the ones that are being held just seem odd and out of place. I know of one in particular being held by a company that is in the medical field. They decided to have lunch in one of the doctor’s offices, with maybe 40 people, no windows, no big room, just people wandering, spreading the virus with total impunity. I guess like with many things, we never know what people are thinking, and more so sometimes we just scratch our heads and ask, what on EARTH, are they thinking? I won’t venture a guess, and I think it probably is with good intentions, but holy christ (in keeping with the Christmas theme).

In some sense, how many of us are happy we do not have to go to a party? They aren’t awful, but let’s face it, unless you really drink a lot, which in theory you should not do at an office party, they are awkward and at times totally uncomfortable. But it is one of the things that we can look at as being the end result of what has been happening. How much things change in ways we never thought and the reason for that. We all want holidays to be festive, time spent with family,(my kids are both here which is quite nice even if circumstances forced it a little), mostly I think, we want to be with people(well, people we like, we should all avoid prison or Kohls). Even if some of the holiday parties teeter on the weird or bizarre, creepy or just flat out adulterous, we do get to be with people, talk to them, laugh, reel with disgust or something in between. What this season clearly lacks is that ability to share with people. We can try and plan dinners, maybe family, maybe a friend, who knows, but it’s just weird hearing people say they can’t or won’t see anyone. No family, no friends. I am not sure how many people survive no human contact, even if it is perceived, right or wrong, as necessary. Whether it is or not I will not pass public judgment.

So we do our best. I went to the mall. Ate outside a few times, which always just seems like it is nice for what it is, but really, does anyone who is not in Aspen really want to eat outside in December? But what risk do we take, what is calculated for some people, isn’t for others. How much of a risk do you take knowing that if you press it you might die? I wish I knew. I have found as this progresses, I won’t do stupid things, mostly, but sometimes a walk around the mall is just needed. Distance from people, high ceilings, no restaurants how bad can it be? I guess not, but I have found myself feeling almost guilty for doing what were once normal things, and I am not sure why I feel guilty, who am I really cheating? I guess if I get sick I’ll spread It people. I guess I am just confused by my own conscience.

My kids are home. One is here for two weeks and the youngest closer to five or six. This is something that feels normal. Just having them wake up here, sleep here, eat here and just exist in my house is special, more than other years. I think they may also not be hating It either. It’s one of the things that does make this feel like a holiday. We do small Hanukah things, have some nice dinners, but it is the idea of the presence of them that is important. I think when in times like this the world is just weird, having a sense of normalcy is critical. Obviously we cannot go out to eat which for me is a huge deal, so they cook, which is even nicer I have found. I don’t need to spend money to fix a problem, which is sort of my default. Sitting at a table, just chatting even if not over anything important is and has been so important to return to a sense of stability. These days they even clean, mostly. One more than the other, but no other comments.

Christmas day was nice, actually. Quiet, lunch and dinner, just sort of pleasant. I can’t say I missed a big Christmas Day gathering because that would be movies and that’s not happening, or sometimes the casino(yeah I know) but this year is quiet. Oldest is back in Boston, youngest is with me and being a good citizen for family. She leaves for Florida in a few days, I’ m jealous, but I need to be home. Or I think I do which is equally important. There seems to be a sort of sense of calm, people talk about new year's parties that won’t happen, but no one really seems that upset. It’s about planning a menu, or going somewhere and being outside to see people. It’s almost sort of nice not feeling that pressure to make It a big deal. So I won’t.

And to all Happy New Year, a new president, I guess it can only get better, and 300 other awful platitudes.

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