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  • Writer's picturescott sitner

Moving forward and backwards at same time

Updated: Jan 4, 2021

Yeah, so the above is a afternoon dinner out. (more later)

So it's about two weeks after Thanksgiving, no kids, barely parents, no Wednesday night before thanksgiving bar night(although when I did that five years ago we were home at 9:00, somewhat embarrassed by how pathetic we were). Really not much of anything. For a little while I had bounced around the idea of going to see my kids in Boston, even in the week or so before looking at plane fares and thinking about maybe just going to see them. While I somewhat pride myself on not being a total helicopter parent, I can't deny I have some of it in me, and going now just shy of four months not seeing either of them is a little annoying. The sad part is that I know I want to see them more than they want to see me. Regardless, I didn't go.

What bothers me and bothered me more about not seeing them, they are literally on their way home today, was that the decision wasn't mine, it was totally controlled by forces from beyond, or some facsimile of that. Making sure I don't get sick so I can be here to help parents, or not getting my friends sick, or being able to go to work and not have to be in quarantine(or pretend to be oops). Worried about being in some half filled hotel 800 miles from home while leaving behind other people who may want or may need me here. I miss the days of deciding on a friday I am going to florida on Saturday, or running to Chicago, or going to dinner in an actual restaurant with actual people nearby. All in time, but time seems to be on perpetual pause.

One good thing is vaccines seem nearby. How soon i do not think anyone knows, but soon. Soon enough than everyone is starting to go crazy over why out why not they are or are not first on the list to get them. Because of course, everyone is more important than everyone else. Including me, I mean I have to go on vacation. What is more concerning, to other people not me, cause I really don't care, is if certain people get the vaccines certain people will stop being so crazy. It is almost more mean than anything but if if the mere fact it happens calms people down than I will push for it to happen for them. I think at this point the mental energy all this has taken on people is just nuts. You try and talk about something else but really cannot. Even when you try and deflect a conversation it still winds its way back. It's like a big snake in a circle, although I am not totally sure why.....What is really hard is that it is sometimes with certain people like talking to a wall. I am not sure about why smart people in times like this choose to believe each and every absurd piece of information they read or hear. The virus kills upon impact, sure why not? Now you can get it from garbage cans, sure, sounds reasonable. Everyone at the dinner last night got it, and half are dead, yeah. OK. Lord, step back, take a breath and still try and live your life and not react to alternative facts.

So there. Last thing is both kids are on their way home as I write this, driving back from Boston with a cat I again hope doesn't die along the way. I have a house that even after four months still feels somewhat empty even though I know instinctively that everyone is where they are supposed to be. I think this is part of being a parent is that the house always feels a little empty. So it will be nice to have them home for the holidays regardless of how long they actually stay. I spent the last day making sure they had the groceries I think they wanted and that the house as somewhat clean, and that it felt like home. I guess time will tell if I actually succeed.


Dick O Dow's in Birmingham, eating outside. 37 degrees. Nothing blocking wind. But with the help of peppermint schnapps hot chocolate it was enjoyable for a half hour, and stupid cold for a half hour. But this is the way it is.........

The kids got home safely, exactly when expected with one very alive cat....she's the one on the right

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